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While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.
Don’t…dismiss someone after just one date! Instead of jumping to a conclusion, consider that the other person may have been extremely nervous or just having a bad day. Unless it is obvious things won’t work out, have a second date to really get a feel for that other person. Many successful marriages all started on a bad first date! Who knows, you could be one of them too, one day. Do…be adventurous! When it comes to planning a date, think outside the box and book an activity you haven’t done before. Need inspiration? Subscribe to the @made_my_date mailing list and let your inbox be filled with fun dating ideas.
Dating highlights our biggest insecurities: We overanalyze what we say over text or Tinder, try on 15 different outfits before a date, and maybe even expect the worst and prepare to be ghosted or for the date to go badly. Sound familiar? To cure pre-date anxieties, try visualizing the best version of yourself. Are you confident, comfortable, or friendly? How would the most confident you act on this date? What would you wear? Would you even care about what you wear? Remind yourself that you are the catch that your date is trying to impress, not the other way around. Even if you don’t feel confident or calm, the simple act of visualizing your best self can help you relax and enjoy the date instead of getting in your head.
In reality, just being nice to a girl you like doesn’t convert her into your girlfriend magically. Don’t nurse fantasies of dating a girl while sticking around her and doing nice things hoping to get noticed. The best route to take – coupled with being nice to her – is to ask her out on a proper date. Let her know how you feel about her. This will let her know that you’re not just around her for casual friendship. If you don’t do this, there’s a high probability you’ll end up in the friendzone. Dating apps are convenient because they remove all the anxiety it takes to work up to a woman, build friendship, and ask her out on a date. But that convenience can quickly become addicting. And this isn’t a good thing for several reasons.
A man that is calm and put together has a unique aura. It’s no wonder why fictional characters like James Bond are portrayed as calm and collected people. A calm man is the opposite of an anxious and needy man. He has mastered himself. A woman can feel safe with him because he has a demeanor that makes you feel like nothing can go wrong with him. He gives you the impression that he’s a man who can handle himself. When he’s in a conversation with a woman, he sits with his shoulders back, looking at the woman straight in the eye. And since we pick up the dominant energy in social interactions, women also feel calm and relaxed around him, making them enjoy his company.
Consider a low-key coffee, tea, a walk, or a drink instead of dinner: Instead of meeting for dinner on the first date, choose an activity that is potentially shorter, and more relaxed like a walk or a coffee. That way, if you realize after 45 minutes that you just aren’t compatible, you’re not committed to a longer (and potentially expensive!) dinner that may be unpleasant and awkward for both parties. If the date goes well, you can continue to cocktail or segue to dinner and continue the conversation. While it’s easy to add a snack or a bite, it’s more difficult to extricate yourself from dinner.
Dating is supposed to be about finding what you want, not becoming what someone else wants. Some people will like you and some people won’t. Whether or not someone wants to pursue a relationship or a second date with you has nothing to do with how likable you are, but it does have to do with compatibility. And I think we can all agree there are many people we wouldn’t mind being incompatible with. Prioritize what you want in a partner by making a list of non-negotiable qualities or values you want, and stop yourself from getting caught up in what a relationship or person could be. Instead, ask yourself if you genuinely enjoy each person you’re talking to and whether or not they deserve you.
Ditch the loser who doesn’t make you happy. Newsflash: If the person you’re with constantly disappoints you, consistently can’t meet your needs, or refuses to commit to you, it’s time to cut them loose. Hanging on to someone who isn’t making you happy because you’re hoping they’ll suddenly change is going to waste a lot of your precious time — time you could spend meeting and getting to know someone who is a good fit for you. You’ll never meet “the one” if you’re hung up on the wrong one. So, as they say — out with the old and in with the new. Breaking up is hard to do, but trust me on this one: the only regret you’ll have when looking back is that you didn’t split sooner.
For example, let’s say you’re looking for someone who’s solid and dependable. Or maybe you want to meet someone who’s patient and calm when things don’t go as planned. Can you say the same about yourself? Sometimes, we are attracted to people to fill our “voids” so to speak — to provide all the things we lack. It’s natural to have some opposing strengths from your partner, but the point is that you should always be working on owning all the qualities that you seek. That way, you aren’t ever fully dependent on someone else to meet your needs, and you can make sure you’re always pulling your own weight in a give-and-take relationship.